Three weeks left and guess who's a Pastry Chef?..

Yep! You guessed right! I didn't even think I'd make it into school and now

it is almost OVER! I am so blessed to have made it this far. I had so many

struggles along the way, but it is so close, I can taste it!! Even down to my

externship, I struggled with finding the right place. I had some people telling

me that I was wayyy too talented to work in a grocery store bakery decorating

cakes, and others that thought if they could go back, a grocery store bakery is

where they would extern. So, that is what I did. I turned down the pastry

position at a fancy country club and took a job as a cake decorator at a grocery

store. I LOVE MY JOB! I am so thankful that I took this job! I too turned

my nose up at grocery store bakeries, but I am learning SOOO much!

I still have a very long way to go, but oh my goodness have I improved since

the days in Chef Jeffs class where it took everything within me not to burst

into tears because I couldn't ice a cake and not even come close to writting

on one. Look at some of the sad writting on the cakes from past posts and

compare them to the new and improved and still needs practice cakes of

today.. Anywho, will be back later. There are soo many pictures that

I have to share.

It's almost over. 7 days left till extern..

I can not believe that I have been in Austin this long and school is almost over!! This experience has been a dream come true and I feel so Blessed to have made it this far. When I started this blog it was in hopes that someone would stop by and give advice on how to get grants and other financial help through school. Well.. I did get a few hits that were awesome and very thoughtful but not much info on grants and scholarships. But, I have managed to make it through by the grace of God and I am so thankful for it.

During this journey I have also met some amazing friends and I am also grateful for that. It is so hard to find people that are not going to do and say spiteful things about you behind your back and friends that are REAL. That is so hard to come by. I have met a few that say they are friends but I know that I will never see or hear from them after that last day of class/work. Sometimes things are not as them may seem and some times the real truth is that they are. I am glad that I am not a fake person. So many people searching for nothing..
that is another thing that bothers me. I never knew that there were so many lost people. In one place. Anyway, I am talking about nothing..
or a lot, too much. Its all running in and waisting this empty space.

Deep Thought

I am a person who loves to kid around and have fun, but I also love deep conversations that get the thought process going. About a month or so ago I shared my hurt and pain about my little sister with a couple of co workers. I hadn't told anyone. One of them I told because she is a teenager who I know is dealing with some of the same things that my sister is. She is a curious, insecure (beautiful) girl who is searching as is my sister. I wanted to know her thoughts. The other co worker is a deep thinker and I pick up on her, and to be honest, most people very easily. They both shared. I got the "lump" in my throat listening. But it was good getting it out and actually talking with girls that understood. Anyway, about a two weeks ago I was having a "situation" and needed someone to talk to, I confided in the one co worker that I know wouldn't say anything. To anyone. She gave me her advice, I listened. As she turned to walk away, she told me her secret. Said that her husband is the only one that she's ever told. I felt honored and at the same time I wanted to tell her that I understand and that I would never tell anyone. And that I would never judge her. I wanted to know more. I wanted to tell her my thoughts as well. And I don't want her to ever doubt the fact that she confided in me. I want her to know that I do not look at her any different. I want her to know that I respect her more now than ever. I have no idea why she confided in me, we've only known each other for a couple of months. And only talk twice a week at work. This, is why I feel so honored.
~T

Again, can't remember what this is, but it sure tasted good!

Another view.

Julianna. My favorite item! Although I do not like to temper chocolate! This day I realized my love for hazelnuts. WoW!

Carrot cake with cream cheese icing. Fun to make. The best tasting cake, EVER! Loved it. Hands down. The best cake.

Can't remember what it is called.. But it tasted pretty good!

Orange Chiffon Cake with Italian meringue.

One of my favorites to make. Didn't taste.

Alhambra cake. Didn't cry. Very nervous. 185/200 (Test day) Tasted good.

Angel food cake. Didn't taste.. ??

Banana Cake with chocolate ganache.

Fun to make. Did not taste. Did I mention sour cream ganache?

Pineapple upside down cake. didn't taste.

Polenta cake. Very good. Most people didn't like it.

Mocha Cake. Also fun to make. Looks so much better than it tastes.

Yule Log. So much fun to make. One of my favorites.

Almond Pound Cake. Simple. But good.

Boston Cream Pie

Black Forest Cake

Day one of European cakes

This was an awful day for me. I had so much trouble icing this cake and even writing on it. I thought I knew how to do both. But I guess I was so wrong! Note to self: DON'T CRY! ~T

My last confession was only like, three months ago..

Where do I begin? So much has taken place since October 3, 2006. I have gotten older, and I'd like to think a little wiser and a whole lot less quiet around my not so new co workers and classmates. Seems to me like a lot of time has passed, school has gone by faster than I ever expected it to. It has been better than I could have ever imagined it to be. This many months later, I am still in love with it. Don't get me wrong, I have had a few really not so good days. One of those days I even cried. Yep. Couldn't hold back the tears. Dropped a test item on the floor directly in front of my chef instructors and completely lost it. Tried very hard not to, but it was over for me at that point. A friend in class tells me almost daily "there is no crying in pastries". There is when I am involved. This is something that I just can not seem to control. And I do not like it when I do not have control over that emotion. Anywho, I have had atleast one day worse then that day and it took everything in my being not to just give up and cry. But I didn't give up. I didn't cry. I held it together enough to turn in my test (practical) and since, I have improved so very much. And all of this have happened in the last six weeks that are now OVER!! I made it through! And the funny thing is that today was the final practical of the six weeks and I got 200 points out of 200 points on my practical and 100 points out of 100 points on my portfolio. And my chef instructor said "wow T, this is good "when he tried my final cake. AND, I heard him tell another chef that my cake was his favorite! I couldn't believe any of those words coming out of THE pickiest chef's mouth. What an awesome way to end what was a very rocky six weeks. To here my chef instructor say perfect, I was the happiest girl around! And my cake did not last very long! Here is a description of my cake: We had to come up with a 9', three layer cake that included atleast two different types of icings/fillings. I chose a sacher cake with a Godiva simple syrup, milk chocoalte ganache with toasted pecans in between each layer and a caramel buttercream to ice the cake with and marzipan pecans on top of each rosette to garnish. And toasted pecan pieces to hide any of many mistakes on the icing of the cake!! LOL. That is one of the many problems that I had early on in this block, icing a cake as well as writing on the cake. I will explain more as soon as I upload and show each picture. Until then.. Sweet Dreams. ~T

Just when you think all is well..

Last night my mother called me and told me that my little sister had something to tell me.. Anyway, without getting into this long drawn out story.. I wasn't happy with what I heard. I haven't talked to anyone about it, (not even my husband). The thing is- I do and I don't want to talk about it. I am so hurt by what my baby sister told me last night. I mean, I'm trying to tell myself- it isn't the worst thing in the world. And she said that she's learned her lesson and it won't happen again- but it still hurts. I have talked to my sister SO many times. I have told her that she can talk to me about any and everything. I have all ways left that door open, hoping that she'd use it. Use me and my wisdom- okay, that's a bit much, but I do know at least a little. I can tell her that the mistakes that SHE has to make are not worth it. I have been there. Done that. Nothing but a lot of heartache and pain. For everyone involved.

I worried about our conversation all night and even today in class I was on the verge of tears. I could not concentrate. Again, I am trying to make myself believe that this is not the worst thing in the world, that I can trust and believe that she has learned her lesson and will not attempt this again.

And when I ask her why? She tells me that she made her choice because she was angry. Angry with who I ask? She starts to cry and says that she is angry at our brother and other sister. I understand to an extent, but cut the crap. She made her choice because she wanted to. Then I tell her that she should turn the negatives into positives. Not negatives into more negative. What's the point? Anyway, all I can do is continue to hold that door open for her and pray that she comes right in. I will continue praying that God leads her into the RIGHT direction.

~T

Oh the smell of success..

Oh the smell of sweet success.. It has taken a lot of tears. prayers. sleepless nights. more tears. and a lot more prayers. But I am here! Thank you, Jesus! As of today, I have completed my tenth day of Culinary School!! And I feel so Blessed to be here. This is a dream come true for me and I know that I am following my destiny. One day last week during production, I felt so great that I just wanted to shout it at the top of my lungs. Then I thought to myself.. self.. not such a good idea. Maybe in a few weeks when everyone already knows that something aint quiet right with me. Lol. But while they (may) think that I'm somewhat of a normal person, I'll hold off. Who would of thunk it.. T <---- getting up at 4:30 am and arriving to class 45 minutes to an hour early?... UN heard of. I was doing good to get to work 5 minutes late. Speaking of work, I am currently unemployed aka BROKE for the first time in over ten years. The unemployed part. I'm always broke. Anyway, I have attempted to take pictures of the good.the bad. and the laughable class productions. My first picture here was my first test which I was the award winner, if there is such a thing. Anyway, the choices were chocolate chip cookies or peanut butter cookies.. chocolate chip are by far my favorite, but everyone in class was making chocolate chip, so I decided on peanut butter, as did one or two more people. Not bragging at all, but my cookies were the hit of the class! Everyone wanted a piece of the pie, I mean peanut butter cookie. Of course I was both shocked and amazed, cause I thought that chef would pick my cookies out as an example of "what not to do". No.. perfect. those were her exact words. Word. My almond macaroons, a whole different story. I did get 55 out of 60 points on them, but they were definitely no prize! Pictures of that to come! ~T